I have come to the realization that this blog has been crossing the fine line of a mommy blog. Not that I have anything against mommy blogs, I love them, I subscribe to many. They are not only helpful but entertaining. But unfortunately, as wonderful as my beautiful son may be, this blog isn't just about him. To all those parents, non-parents, workaholics, all you anxious people out there, let's take some time to focus on ourselves and relaaaaaaaaaaaaax.
Some people say the only way to get a completely calm lifestyle you have to give it 110%. You have to end all stimulation, drive a Prius, quit your job, become a vegan, blah blah blah... I'm going to give the down low (does anybody say that anymore?) on how I give about 50%, and get a somewhat close reasonable amount of zen-ness-ess.
1. Exercise- I know right? Who knew? Drop the kid off at the day care at the gym, then I run...blast incredibly offensive music, and watch horribly mind numbing television. It is fantastic. Endorphins galore!
2. Cussing- I am pretty sure that I heard an actual journal somewhere saying sour words release stress. Could I find this journal for you? No. But I have tested it on numerous occasions, and let me tell you, it works. Not in front of the baby, of course.
3. Coffee- okay, you've all seen that sign, "Do stupid things faster with more energy", well it's true. AND it's good for you darn-it! A powerful antioxidant that helps relieve my headaches with one yummy cup of goodness.Which is a nice segue into number 4....
4. Happy Hour- starts promptly at 5pm.... don't be late
5. Diet- I'm not saying that I "diet" per se, but if I eat crap I'm going to feel like crap.. so there.
6. Count my blessings- I honestly do this every day, and it brings me to tears to think how lucky I am. again, more endorphins
7. Screw it- (I mean figuratively guys, jeez, get your mind out of the gutter) I have said it once, I'll say it again. I find that things go more in my favor when I don't give a damn. Why fret about things you can't control?
If you can control it, fix it.
This code I will solemnly swear to try to live by with the best of my abilities. It has been working so far. It may not be the super healthiest lifestyle, but who really cares. I'm about 3 weeks into school now. My usual pattern is to fall down an anxious spiral of despair, emotionally eating my weight in hamburger and hyperventilating enough to suck all the oxygen out of the room. Nope! That's not going to happen. Not this time. What you waiting for? It's on bitches! Oh, it's ON!!
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Why Parenting a Toddler is Like Taking Care of a Tiny Drunk Person
Parents that have their children from age 0 are provided with a transitional period. They are first given a living being that can't do anything for themselves, and can barely even move. As this "being" gets older the parents experience new mile stone after milestone. Rolling over, crawling, walking and so on. But when nature drops a one and a half year old in your lap, you definitely miss that non-mobile experience. You are immediately faced with this running, biting, climbing, structurally unsound thing in your presence.
Now I can feel your judgement through the computer screen. Let me go back a little ways to explain myself. The physician and I were pretty good kids growing up. We met in junior high, so there aren’t many hidden secrets between us. We were both straight A students. Well, the physician was mostly A+ with a 5.0 gpa, I regrettably usually had one B a semester but I also volunteered at least 2-3 days a week on top of a 20 hour work week. During our college career we continued to be relatively good students. Given our geeky situation we didn't party much, and when we did we took care of our friends, because this is what nerds do.
Given the present day we have loosened up a tad, not much, but enough. We've always known that we wanted children but didn't necessarily love other people's children (honestly who does? If you do then you're weird). You always hear "it's different when it's your own" and without that personal experience you always steer to believe them. Our son is "our own" even though he's adopted. He's only been here 2 months and it seem like he's been here from birth. But that parenting learning curve does stand a tad different when they come into your life at this age.
Because the physician and I have more experience in drunk persons than toddlers, this is a nice segues into my top 10 reasons why parenting a toddler is that of taking care of a tiny drunk person.
1. You have to perpetually make sure they don't hurt themselves. This stumbling, wobbly thing is b-lining it to the middle of the street. No good.
2. With moderate exposure you get an increased tolerance for things such as vomit, urine, and feces. Yummy!
3. Constantly thinking about their hydration status. (fyi, we live in Arizona so it's a big deal here)
4. Extreeeeeme emotional swings. Seriously... hysterically laughing, then throwing things in anger, then crying in a fetal position.... really???? I am having dorm room flash backs!
5. Worried about if/when they'll soil themselves. If only we could convince our drunk friends to wear diapers right?
6. You have to do an elaborate scheme to get them to go to bed. Sometime involves hosing them off and changing their clothes... no comments from the peanut gallery.
7. You have to drive them everywhere. Okay, right, I know this is a given, but how often are your passengers screaming in the back seat for food?
8. Lack of motor/verbal skills.....
9. Tend to loose their clothing. I'm kind of perplexed why streaking is so adorable when you're tiny and then get increasingly repulsive the older you get. We need to be consistent people!
10. Definitely more tolerable when you drink as well (ah no she didn't) Before you all call CPS on my parenting taboo let me explain! For those who can tolerate and love their kids without one glass of wine on a hard night I salute you. I, however, am weak, and can hold my liquor so :P
I'm not saying that I'm complaining. I'm really not complaining. It's just a geeky observation about two arbitrary correlations. The good news is that my friends were right. It is different that our son is our own. Even though we look forward to the day that he starts to act sober, we love him tremendously every day, which is more then I can say for some of my friends… love ya college roomies!!!
Now I can feel your judgement through the computer screen. Let me go back a little ways to explain myself. The physician and I were pretty good kids growing up. We met in junior high, so there aren’t many hidden secrets between us. We were both straight A students. Well, the physician was mostly A+ with a 5.0 gpa, I regrettably usually had one B a semester but I also volunteered at least 2-3 days a week on top of a 20 hour work week. During our college career we continued to be relatively good students. Given our geeky situation we didn't party much, and when we did we took care of our friends, because this is what nerds do.
Given the present day we have loosened up a tad, not much, but enough. We've always known that we wanted children but didn't necessarily love other people's children (honestly who does? If you do then you're weird). You always hear "it's different when it's your own" and without that personal experience you always steer to believe them. Our son is "our own" even though he's adopted. He's only been here 2 months and it seem like he's been here from birth. But that parenting learning curve does stand a tad different when they come into your life at this age.
Because the physician and I have more experience in drunk persons than toddlers, this is a nice segues into my top 10 reasons why parenting a toddler is that of taking care of a tiny drunk person.
1. You have to perpetually make sure they don't hurt themselves. This stumbling, wobbly thing is b-lining it to the middle of the street. No good.
2. With moderate exposure you get an increased tolerance for things such as vomit, urine, and feces. Yummy!
3. Constantly thinking about their hydration status. (fyi, we live in Arizona so it's a big deal here)
4. Extreeeeeme emotional swings. Seriously... hysterically laughing, then throwing things in anger, then crying in a fetal position.... really???? I am having dorm room flash backs!
5. Worried about if/when they'll soil themselves. If only we could convince our drunk friends to wear diapers right?
6. You have to do an elaborate scheme to get them to go to bed. Sometime involves hosing them off and changing their clothes... no comments from the peanut gallery.
7. You have to drive them everywhere. Okay, right, I know this is a given, but how often are your passengers screaming in the back seat for food?
8. Lack of motor/verbal skills.....
9. Tend to loose their clothing. I'm kind of perplexed why streaking is so adorable when you're tiny and then get increasingly repulsive the older you get. We need to be consistent people!
10. Definitely more tolerable when you drink as well (ah no she didn't) Before you all call CPS on my parenting taboo let me explain! For those who can tolerate and love their kids without one glass of wine on a hard night I salute you. I, however, am weak, and can hold my liquor so :P
I'm not saying that I'm complaining. I'm really not complaining. It's just a geeky observation about two arbitrary correlations. The good news is that my friends were right. It is different that our son is our own. Even though we look forward to the day that he starts to act sober, we love him tremendously every day, which is more then I can say for some of my friends… love ya college roomies!!!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Sabbatical
Whew! It's been so long since the last time I've posted. There is no way to describe the craziness that is the physician's and my holiday season. Okay, I'll try anyway... Since we are Arizona natives, we are blessed to have all of our family in state. I mean all of our family. Both sides of each family. Seriously there were 7 events over Christmas eve and day alone. The physician was lucky enough to have the holiday off, but he had to brave through the majority of the parties on his own. Like most holiday seasons at work, my hospital manager leaves to visit her family and the hospital is left in my hands. I know, scary right? So not only do I get to work extra shifts to cover the holiday rush, I get to go in early, stay late and go in on days off to work on my favorite thing... spreadsheets! This December seemed more tolerable than usual because dundundun daahhh I quit!!!! I quit! I quit! I quit! I quit! I quit!
The original plan was that I would leave work when Palmer came home. But after our adoption program continued to push the date back I decided what the best thing for my work would be to give them an end date. We knew that Palmer would be coming sometime in the beginning of the year and I was already working much later into the year than either of us expected. By the time I hit the end of the year all of my official duties had been delegated and the only thing I was in charge of were my patients. (it was glorious) My last week I had no worries, no deadlines, and the only complaint I heard was that I was going to be missed. I will admit I was really sad to leave my crew. It's weird the relationship you develop with your fellow coworkers. If you work a full 40 hour week you usually spend more time, meals, and emotions with those people than with your own family. Some of my greatest friends I have are from past jobs.
But now is the time for me to relax and prepare. We are anxiously awaiting Palmer's arrival. We got word that our paperwork went into the Korean government January 6th and I have become a "nesting" machine! Who needs crazy pregnancy hormones? Not I! I have tackled every junk pile/drawer/closet within the house. But I'm not done yet! I still have to extend the patio, make and freeze baby food, start working out again (blah!), and finish the ump-tine-million other projects I've started. In another event (also kind of bittersweet) my poor camera is broken and it's going to take a month to fix it, but at least it's not here to distract me. Good thing I have enough things to keep me busy and distract me from the fact that my camera is broken cuz I am slowly dying inside without it.
Well there you go. You are all caught up. Now I can cross out "update blog" off my list ;]
The original plan was that I would leave work when Palmer came home. But after our adoption program continued to push the date back I decided what the best thing for my work would be to give them an end date. We knew that Palmer would be coming sometime in the beginning of the year and I was already working much later into the year than either of us expected. By the time I hit the end of the year all of my official duties had been delegated and the only thing I was in charge of were my patients. (it was glorious) My last week I had no worries, no deadlines, and the only complaint I heard was that I was going to be missed. I will admit I was really sad to leave my crew. It's weird the relationship you develop with your fellow coworkers. If you work a full 40 hour week you usually spend more time, meals, and emotions with those people than with your own family. Some of my greatest friends I have are from past jobs.
But now is the time for me to relax and prepare. We are anxiously awaiting Palmer's arrival. We got word that our paperwork went into the Korean government January 6th and I have become a "nesting" machine! Who needs crazy pregnancy hormones? Not I! I have tackled every junk pile/drawer/closet within the house. But I'm not done yet! I still have to extend the patio, make and freeze baby food, start working out again (blah!), and finish the ump-tine-million other projects I've started. In another event (also kind of bittersweet) my poor camera is broken and it's going to take a month to fix it, but at least it's not here to distract me. Good thing I have enough things to keep me busy and distract me from the fact that my camera is broken cuz I am slowly dying inside without it.
Well there you go. You are all caught up. Now I can cross out "update blog" off my list ;]
Friday, November 19, 2010
My Photography Voice
Some of you already know, but I'm an aspiring professional photographer. Funny right? In my vast amount of free time. It's really amazing how something that theoretically doesn't take much time to do (like take a picture) can really take so much time. I mean, you have to figure out the lighting, the pose, the framing, etm. And don't even get me started on the post production stuff..... geeez. I never really understood why photographers charge so much. Honestly I still ask myself that question sometimes. But in the grand scheme of things, it's a lot of work! not physically but there's a lot of thought that goes into it, ok stop rolling your eyes.
Anyway, after all that work there's a short term sense of pride when you're done with some awesome shots. And I usually think "I'm quite brilliant!" Hooray! Good for me! Quickly fallowed by "wow I really suck". I go through this huge bell curve with every project. Usually right before a shoot the crazy little voice inside my head will tell me that I'm not prepared, I won't my exposure right, I suck!! Then I get into taking the photos, I gain a little confidence, a little more, then I'm suddenly ROCK STAR PHOTOGRAPHER!!!!! This feeling usually lasts until I download the photos and look over my masterpieces. Then comes the editing, which I love to do, but by now I think I'm the shit and start getting all picky with which photos I can edit. And it eventually turns into - all these photos suck ass and I can't do anything right.
The photos never changed, THIS is the craziness that is the dark corner of my brain. If it wasn't for the encouragement from my husband I probably would have given up long ago.
I also have this strange love/hate relationship with photographing weddings. Trust me, if I had a choice of being a guest or a photographer, I would totally be behind that camera. Maybe it's just because I feel forced socialization when I'm a guest. But once in a while... you get an awesome couple, with awesome friends and family, and you have a really good time.
Anyway, after all that work there's a short term sense of pride when you're done with some awesome shots. And I usually think "I'm quite brilliant!" Hooray! Good for me! Quickly fallowed by "wow I really suck". I go through this huge bell curve with every project. Usually right before a shoot the crazy little voice inside my head will tell me that I'm not prepared, I won't my exposure right, I suck!! Then I get into taking the photos, I gain a little confidence, a little more, then I'm suddenly ROCK STAR PHOTOGRAPHER!!!!! This feeling usually lasts until I download the photos and look over my masterpieces. Then comes the editing, which I love to do, but by now I think I'm the shit and start getting all picky with which photos I can edit. And it eventually turns into - all these photos suck ass and I can't do anything right.
The photos never changed, THIS is the craziness that is the dark corner of my brain. If it wasn't for the encouragement from my husband I probably would have given up long ago.
I also have this strange love/hate relationship with photographing weddings. Trust me, if I had a choice of being a guest or a photographer, I would totally be behind that camera. Maybe it's just because I feel forced socialization when I'm a guest. But once in a while... you get an awesome couple, with awesome friends and family, and you have a really good time.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
8 Best Websites that Anyone Could Have
I love me some websites!!! They make my life so much easier. So I would like to share the wealth. Here's my top 8 list of my favoritest websites.. for now.
- reader.google.com - for those who don't already know, I fallow ah-lohot of blogs. Some might say I'm addicted, but it doesn't interfere with my day to day life... so there. It is of course apart of the google conglomerate and allows me to view all of my feeds on one organized page. It also makes suggestions to other blogs I might enjoy. Is over 500 feeds a day too much? meh... not so much.
- www.mint.com - Everyone needs financial organization. This website allows you to look at almost every bank account in one place, and can make a bar/pie graph out of any of your finances. Nice and secure and as well as free (as long as you don't click on any of their "offers"). Love it!!
- digital-photography-school.com - If you are an aspiring photographer or just trying to figure out your new fancy camera. This website will teach you more than you would ever want to know about photography, post production, running a business, and even product reviews.
- www.acne.org - I am not afraid to admit it, this website changed my life. Not only do you get loads of unbiased feedback from hundreds of people, Dan offers his own products on his website that are different from anything else out there. And trust me, I have tried them all.
- Design*sponge - New, fresh, inventive ways of design using older things! Lots of DIY projects. This website has encouraged and inspired me to reupholster my chair and refurnish my dresser. The possibilities are endless!
- Etsy - Best place for unique, hand made gifts. This is great site to find things for the people who have everything (you know, those impossible-to-buy-4-people). And if you're crafty enough, you can sell your own stuff too! Like my sister-in-law!! She makes beautiful cards. Check her out at Creatively Inked.
- zillow.com - Who doesn't like looking up how much their boss paid for their house? That's not the only thing this site can do, but it's still fun. This is great if you're looking for a new home or just day dreaming. You can get tours of million dollar mansions! How cool is that?
- LiveMocha - Want to learn a new language? This website fallows a lot of the same guidelines as Rosetta Stone...only it's free. Hollaaaahhh!
Sunday, June 27, 2010
{my mom}
mom: She has gotten so skinny. She just looks emancipated!!
me: uhhh... Did she need to be liberated from her food?
mom: What???
me: You mean "emaciated" Mom.
mom: You think you're SO smart. I'm never going to say anything ever again!
me: uhhh... Did she need to be liberated from her food?
mom: What???
me: You mean "emaciated" Mom.
mom: You think you're SO smart. I'm never going to say anything ever again!
fin
Friday, May 28, 2010
Dirty Laundry
There is nothing better than to sit down with a friend and some coffee and just let it all out. I just had the best time with one of my favorite girlfriends with some convo and trying out (what is now our favorite) espresso bar at Liberty Market.
As stressful as life can be, and every one's life is stressful in their own unique way, it's important to have that release. It's better than bottling up everything and then finally exploding on someone that doesn't deserve it. Or even worse, on some social network (sorry facebook, I didn't mean it). Yes, it happens sometimes. Some would say that it's an occupational hazard with certain people. However, I have a wonderful theory!! The perfect combination of caffeine, a great friend who understands, commiserates and has her own crap to let go can help keep it under control!
Of course Bacon filled pancakes doesn't hurt either. Delicious!!!
Look at me condoning emotional eating. NO! BAD Allison!! But emotional caffeine uptake, that's okay right? One thing that is for sure there is nothing I cherish more than a good friend willing to lend an ear, able to be compassionate and at the same time be able to tell you when you're full of crap.
So here's to fabulous friends, fresh beans and of course... bacon. Salud!!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
I love my job....I love my job...I loooove my job
(by the way this dog came in for a minor abrasion on it's hip)
Owner: Well, how will I know when it's healed?
me: uh..... it'll be healed.
Owner: Well, how will I know when it's healed?
me: uh..... it'll be healed.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Love thy neighbor?
I'm a pretty reasonable person. I truly try to find the good in every person I meet, and even if I don't find a likable trait at first I also believe people can surprise you. That being said I have REALLY been trying to look for the good in my neighbor and failing miserably. This woman (or should I say child) is running my patience very thin. So as a civil alternative to mouthing off my feelings to her face I thought I would share with you all a potential letter.
Dear crazy woman that lives next door to me,
I've tried to look past the fact that you and your friends tend to gather on your back patio to commiserate, smoke and play music at very inappropriate time of day. I have also attempted to look pass the fact that when I saved your cat from the viral infested alley cats on our street you didn't even mention a "thank you" in my direction. For about a year now you have been screaming at the barking dogs in the neighborhood like they actually give a shit. You've also tried a high pitched dog whistle which was more than inadequate, it made it worse. Even if you would have frickin googled the phrase "dog whistle" you would have found out very quickly that it would have not worked and you could have saved yourself time and money as well as my sanity. And the fact that you even tried an air horn.....AN AIR HORN! Really?? Do you have any sense of animal behavior at all??? It's quite ironic that you, my dear, are louder than all the dogs in our neighborhood combined!! I would much rather have dogs barking their brains out then listen to you scream about your mother! or scream at your boyfriend! or scream at the very nice missionaries that I warned not to knock on your front door!!! So I am telling you, not asking, can it.
Love,
Thy neighbor
That felt so good to get out of my system. I really don't have the cojones to actually give this to her....or do I...
Dear crazy woman that lives next door to me,
I've tried to look past the fact that you and your friends tend to gather on your back patio to commiserate, smoke and play music at very inappropriate time of day. I have also attempted to look pass the fact that when I saved your cat from the viral infested alley cats on our street you didn't even mention a "thank you" in my direction. For about a year now you have been screaming at the barking dogs in the neighborhood like they actually give a shit. You've also tried a high pitched dog whistle which was more than inadequate, it made it worse. Even if you would have frickin googled the phrase "dog whistle" you would have found out very quickly that it would have not worked and you could have saved yourself time and money as well as my sanity. And the fact that you even tried an air horn.....AN AIR HORN! Really?? Do you have any sense of animal behavior at all??? It's quite ironic that you, my dear, are louder than all the dogs in our neighborhood combined!! I would much rather have dogs barking their brains out then listen to you scream about your mother! or scream at your boyfriend! or scream at the very nice missionaries that I warned not to knock on your front door!!! So I am telling you, not asking, can it.
Love,
Thy neighbor
That felt so good to get out of my system. I really don't have the cojones to actually give this to her....or do I...
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Stupid Stupid Owl
Everyone has seen those modern day scarecrows meant to defer birds from certain areas. I guess you can consider them PETA friendly. The previous owners of our house decided that it was a good idea to bolt this stupid piece of plastic on the apex of the roof.
Each time I pull into my garage it glares at me with that stupid mocking stare.... like it's saying "whatever, I'll do what I want". The pigeons in our neighborhood have been known to perch right on top of its head. Everyone is probably pondering to themselves why I haven't removed it? Alas, I'm kinda having some trouble convincing the physician to climb on top of the two story house to tear it down. So my next plan of action is to heir a newly trained sniper, my nephew, to shoot it off my roof. As for the pigeon's, I'm going to get a couple of harris hawks. Screw PETA, they have to eat too!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Closet Case
I'm almost positive that I fit into a very small group of women that don't have to "dress" their husbands. The physician is always very polished. He likes nice shirts, ties, pants, socks, shoes.... ok he like clothes. I am not complaining. My husband always looks good and has impeccable hygiene. I think it's hot. However, I would like to address the malfeasance that is my closet. Or should I say, my husband's closet, because there is no room for anything of mine, because the physician has too many clothes. Diagramming my actual closet space might have been shrugged off as a dramatization so I decided to take a real life picture. It's even sadder than I thought.
He likes to argue his Sunday best is for work. But he only owns 2 t-shirts. So even if didn't work he would have nothing else to wear except his stolen scrubs from various area hospitals. Which are in those brown bins up on that shelf. Apparently this is what I get for bringing home the bacon. Very defeating.
He likes to argue his Sunday best is for work. But he only owns 2 t-shirts. So even if didn't work he would have nothing else to wear except his stolen scrubs from various area hospitals. Which are in those brown bins up on that shelf. Apparently this is what I get for bringing home the bacon. Very defeating.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Project 365
The physician and I have 2 very different views about the new year. I feel, like the majority of people, that it's a new beginning... a chance to start new goals and raise the bar. My loving (yet very unexcited) husband feels it's just another day. He has never had any new years resolutions. I, however, continue to make false promises to myself. Time and time again I say "This year it's going to be different!!!". Time and time again I fail miserably. I think I'm going to strive for things this year that are somewhat obtainable. So here are my New Year's Resolutions.....drum roll please
1. addition of a baby to the family - paperwork is off to the courts
2. get accepted to nuclear technician program - on waiting list, but it still could possibly happen this year
3. seriously start working toward building my photography business - check out my new website design at http://www.cardiacdevelopment.com/
4. take a photograph every day - not only to increase my skills but to find beauty in everyday life ;-)
5. continue with the DIY projects - they're so much fun!! Soon to come is a refurbished baby changing table, new puppy bed, and learning to hem my own damn pants!
I'm not one to dwell on the past, maybe short term but I usually don't like to think about things for long because it make me crazy. Not just the "angry" kin of crazy but the kind that has me rocking in a fetal position in the corner of the room crazy. So there will be no reminiscing. For a lot people this year sucked. For others it went fabulous. My Gram says that the day is what you make of it. I'm making it a good year. Love you all!! See you next year!!!!
1. addition of a baby to the family - paperwork is off to the courts
2. get accepted to nuclear technician program - on waiting list, but it still could possibly happen this year
3. seriously start working toward building my photography business - check out my new website design at http://www.cardiacdevelopment.com/
4. take a photograph every day - not only to increase my skills but to find beauty in everyday life ;-)
5. continue with the DIY projects - they're so much fun!! Soon to come is a refurbished baby changing table, new puppy bed, and learning to hem my own damn pants!
I'm not one to dwell on the past, maybe short term but I usually don't like to think about things for long because it make me crazy. Not just the "angry" kin of crazy but the kind that has me rocking in a fetal position in the corner of the room crazy. So there will be no reminiscing. For a lot people this year sucked. For others it went fabulous. My Gram says that the day is what you make of it. I'm making it a good year. Love you all!! See you next year!!!!
Friday, December 18, 2009
The Untold Veterinary Terminology
There are general veterinary terms that a lot of people are familiar with, even more so if you've taken your pet to the vet more than once. The fact of the matter is our language completely changes when we get your animal behind closed doors. Not only does the baby talk get ten times worse, we have a whole new language that owners never ever hear. I will give you a top secret back stage vocabulary lesson. Even though a lot of this terminology will make perfect sense when you read them, it's best just to put everything out in the open.
Making Biscuits (v)- the act of kneading dough (cats only)
Land Shark (n)- an aggressive dog that wants to eat you, and lives on land instead of in the sea....unlike actual sharks
Head Butter (n)- a cat that rubs their head against everything
Ankle biter (n)- same as "Land Shark" only small enough so they reach the height of your ankles
Purr Bunny (n)- cats that purr constantly, no matter what you're doing to them
Mutton Bustin' (v)- common term used in rodeo when a child rides a giant sheep like a bull. In this instance it is used when I use all my strength to rastle an unruly 100lb dog to the ground for IV injections.....fun
I would just like to explain, it seems that I might be slightly biased. The reason there are actually nice terms for cats is because felines are rarely in a good mood the veterinary setting; therefore, the need for more specific verbiage of the situation.
My favorites however are the acronyms.
TIW - "Terd in waiting" This is majority used while reading an abdominal x-ray and the patients colon is full...of stuff
LPS- "Little Piece of Shit" Commonly used when reading fecal material under a microscope and the nurse finds something that they think might be something interesting like a parasite but is in fact a piece of poo
PITA fee- "Pain in the Ass" A charge requested by technicians when owners are being, you guessed it, a pain in the ass
When I tell people I work in the veterinary field they're always like "Cool! Puppies and kitten!" Sure it's all fun and games until you're trying to get a blood sample from a very pissed off painful fuzzy thing. I think I can give up my dreams of becoming a hand model.
Making Biscuits (v)- the act of kneading dough (cats only)
Land Shark (n)- an aggressive dog that wants to eat you, and lives on land instead of in the sea....unlike actual sharks
Head Butter (n)- a cat that rubs their head against everything
Ankle biter (n)- same as "Land Shark" only small enough so they reach the height of your ankles
Purr Bunny (n)- cats that purr constantly, no matter what you're doing to them
Mutton Bustin' (v)- common term used in rodeo when a child rides a giant sheep like a bull. In this instance it is used when I use all my strength to rastle an unruly 100lb dog to the ground for IV injections.....fun
I would just like to explain, it seems that I might be slightly biased. The reason there are actually nice terms for cats is because felines are rarely in a good mood the veterinary setting; therefore, the need for more specific verbiage of the situation.
My favorites however are the acronyms.
TIW - "Terd in waiting" This is majority used while reading an abdominal x-ray and the patients colon is full...of stuff
LPS- "Little Piece of Shit" Commonly used when reading fecal material under a microscope and the nurse finds something that they think might be something interesting like a parasite but is in fact a piece of poo
PITA fee- "Pain in the Ass" A charge requested by technicians when owners are being, you guessed it, a pain in the ass
When I tell people I work in the veterinary field they're always like "Cool! Puppies and kitten!" Sure it's all fun and games until you're trying to get a blood sample from a very pissed off painful fuzzy thing. I think I can give up my dreams of becoming a hand model.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
i love my job...i love my job...i love my job
owner: My dog keeps on biting me when I touch his leg.
me: Then stop touching his leg.
me: Then stop touching his leg.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
WTF?
A high school friend is moving to South Korea to teach English. I heard from my friend Amanda that she was bringing her own fan because all the fans in Korea automatically turn off after a certain amount of time. This is an attempt to prevent DEATH. So of course I was like "no way". I did some research and found out a myth that some Koreans believe in. Having a fan or air conditioner blowing on you at night, in a closed room will kill you!!! Totally not kidding...check this out.
So apparently Korean fan death can be caused by one of several things.
a. Hypothermia- apparently Korean fans are able to drop your core body temperature below 90°F. Note to self, get Korean fan.
b. Asphyxiation- these fans also has the magical power to split the O2 molecule into just... O, or somehow use up all the oxygen in the room so you get carbon dioxide poisoning. That's right, laugh it up you dweeby science majors you!
The South Korean media reports fan deaths every summer. Plus, Hanyang University's Center for Intelligent Surgery Systems also condones this urban myth. (which is one of the most prestigious private universities in Korea). I had no idea I've cheated death so many times in my life.
I'm not just going to knock Koreans. Americans believe in another kind of "fan death". The EPA recommends not blowing fan towards yourself if room temperature is over 90°F. They specify that fans don't cool air, just circulate it, which could exacerbate heat exhaustion. Allegedly this is worse in humid states. Did you know that Arizona has some of the lowest mortality rates for heat related deaths? You know why America? Air Conditioning!!!!! and it's a dry heat...duh. Even though this is very convincing material, I think I'm going to take my chances. Viva la fans!!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
I'm in Purgatory!
The AC adapter for my laptop died so I can't get on my computer. I ordered one online, I just got it in yesterday and it doesn't work!! BAH! So I'm in the limbo until I can get one that works. I don't like using the physician's laptop because I'm sure I'll screw something up....he doesn't share well. Plus his mouse sounds funny. I have all these photos to work on and I don't have access to my photoshop. I'm going through withdrawals! I feel all empty and lost inside. sob...sniff
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Quaterly Quarterlife Crises
I told myself I wasn't going to do this but....what the fuck. I go through this emotional rebellion every other change of the seasons. I either end up chopping off my hair or piercing my body (I only did that once because my mother called me “stupid” and a “bad Christian” the last time). You will all have to excuse me because I am victim of all the following:
a. spent the day with my super cool nephew
b. can’t bear children
c. drank 300ml of vodka - yes I measure
So my nephew and I spent the day looking at art, eating great food, and watching a movie. Being with him couldn't make me happier. Then I start to think about how lucky my brother and sister in law are to have such an awesome kid…then I think about my non-genetic abilities…and it’s all downhill from there. I don’t have to explain the pain of not being able to produce. Those of you who can produce usually say “gee, I can’t imagine” , and those who can’t know exactly how I feel. I know, this is a pretty lame excuse for feeling sorry for myself. It could always be worse.
Anywho I choose to fix my feelings by taking control. I have control over one thing…my body. Maybe not my mind, but we can work with this. I don’t feel like cutting off my hair at the moment. So I feel like changing the rest of my body. The physician has been talking about doing yoga, the chance to think about absolutely nothing but yoga is encouraging. It might be best if we do it together…even if it’s in two different studios. I have the feeling that my mitochondria has been in the routine of not mitochondriaing (and my husband thinks only historians are allowed to make up words). I need to waken them up. I don’t feel that working out full throttle will work because it has failed me miserably in the past. The thought is to ease in this time, start more slow like and work more on the soul.
Don’t get me wrong, I can’t be more excited about our beloved baby that could be born at any moment. I’m mostly thinking about clearing my mind before my family begins. I’m sure I have too much high hopes for this but there’s more harm in not trying. I will probably get bored and quit, but what if I don’t? Maybe this will be a way of bringing a zen-like presence into the home. Maybe even a routine. Maybe this will be the thing that might just fix all the little idiosyncrasies in my head. Anybody found that “thing” that fixed them? I would love to hear about them.
a. spent the day with my super cool nephew
b. can’t bear children
c. drank 300ml of vodka - yes I measure
So my nephew and I spent the day looking at art, eating great food, and watching a movie. Being with him couldn't make me happier. Then I start to think about how lucky my brother and sister in law are to have such an awesome kid…then I think about my non-genetic abilities…and it’s all downhill from there. I don’t have to explain the pain of not being able to produce. Those of you who can produce usually say “gee, I can’t imagine” , and those who can’t know exactly how I feel. I know, this is a pretty lame excuse for feeling sorry for myself. It could always be worse.
Anywho I choose to fix my feelings by taking control. I have control over one thing…my body. Maybe not my mind, but we can work with this. I don’t feel like cutting off my hair at the moment. So I feel like changing the rest of my body. The physician has been talking about doing yoga, the chance to think about absolutely nothing but yoga is encouraging. It might be best if we do it together…even if it’s in two different studios. I have the feeling that my mitochondria has been in the routine of not mitochondriaing (and my husband thinks only historians are allowed to make up words). I need to waken them up. I don’t feel that working out full throttle will work because it has failed me miserably in the past. The thought is to ease in this time, start more slow like and work more on the soul.
Don’t get me wrong, I can’t be more excited about our beloved baby that could be born at any moment. I’m mostly thinking about clearing my mind before my family begins. I’m sure I have too much high hopes for this but there’s more harm in not trying. I will probably get bored and quit, but what if I don’t? Maybe this will be a way of bringing a zen-like presence into the home. Maybe even a routine. Maybe this will be the thing that might just fix all the little idiosyncrasies in my head. Anybody found that “thing” that fixed them? I would love to hear about them.
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